Great Lyrics of our time

Jim Moir (aka Vic Reeves) & Sir Bob Mortimer
"Farmyard Shite" & "I've got a new hoover"

Farmyard Shite

I am gonna to Hollywood,
I am, I'm gonna be a big star,
my name in lights and stretched limosine,
a house in Beverly Hills you know what I mean,
I'm gonna be a great big movie star.

You are talking out of your arse son,
you can't appeal to anyone,
you sit around in your grubby little pants,
with your packet of biscuits and a pen in your hands,
that is when your hand isn't down your grubby little pants.

You'll see, nobody can stop me,my name is going down in history.
You write all your letters to MGM,
on your exercise book with your booky's pen,
nobody in Hollywood will be receiving them.

Why has nobody been receiving them?
Has someone, someone been diverting them?
Yes it was me, I broke into your flat,
and nicked all your letters from your Scooby Doo bag,
then buried them under a pile of farmyard shite.

to listen to this work of art click here

I've got a new hoover

I've got a new hoover, what do you think of it?
I've got a new hoover, I'm over the moon with it.
It's got what can only be described as a headlamp on the front,
adjustable height and a low maintenance filter.

I sold him that hoover, it's a pile of shit,
I sold him that hoover, what's left of it.
It couldn't suck off a fly from your carpet if it tried,
and the low maintenance filter, I lied.

So it's useless is it?
Yep.
Well can I have my three hundred quid back?
No, I've spent it Vic.
What on?A new hoover of course.

Do you still love me?
Yes, I suppose so
Are you still angry?
Well, just a little
Well you should thank your lucky stars
I didn't make you pay a delivery charge.

to listen to this work of art click here