How much for your chuddy

The Schmidt 'Hot Jet' Chuddy destroyer

I watched a documentary tonight about 'chuddy'. Wrigleys owned 98% of the market in the UK till Cadburys decided to get in on the deal. And with the release of "Trident Splash" they have quickly cornered a 15% chunk of the market. Wrigleys are not that 'bovvered' though as the chuddy sales have also increased by 15% since it's launch 6 months ago.

The documentry showed the Wrigley's PhD doctor emphasing the health bonuses of chewing a petro-chemical product. Helps with mastication, aiding dental care, helps with mental awareness. etc. etc. No wonder Sir Alex Ferguson is a staunch user of the product.

The documentary went on to tell of the hidden costs of a piece of 'Chud'. Most local councils are having to invest in a peice of German hardware to clean the streets from 'post-masticated chud bombs'. This vehicle costs £100,000. Plus it doesn't do the job properly so council employees are having to follow it around with high pressure water machines to clean up the rest of the gum.

It has been estimated that 80% of chewed gum is left on the streets. Chewing gum was brought to the UK by our American friends during the war. I think we should go back to our original chew of choice the Liquorice-root. I recently went into a dutch health shop to purchase a few sticks and they cost 20 Euro-cents. They last a lot longer than Cadbury's 'Splash'. Also they don't require any German Hardware.

The Cadburys company has launched a big advertising campaign to help it's attack on Wrigleys. The marketing 'bods' came up with the phrase 'Mastication for the Nation'. But they do have a banner on the bottom of their site promoting 'Resposable Mastication', i.e Put your Petro-chemical based product in the Petro-chemical based bin liner so our Petro-chemical vehicles can despose of them properly in a land-fill site.