Vote for finland!!!

Jelle beats Phil

The young pretender has done it again and beaten Phil Taylor who hasn't lost a podium televised match in 2 years. A fact which in the post match interview he was not willing to admit that easily. "Errr I'm not sure".

For Jelle it was of no consiquence as he was already out of the QF's. But the way in which he won has to say that this is a guy for the future of darts. Phil Taylor fell apart . 3 60's in a row when the pressure was on. The old campaigner seemed to lose the plot when Klaasen put the pressure on.

And there is a new guy on the block, a 17 year old Michael van Gerwen, Who has got through to the QF's. He looked extremely impressive. A friend of Jelle. He will play Raymond .V. Barneveld in the QF. A Match to look forward to.

the Quater Final line up is


19.00
73. Ted Hankey (O)
V
Colin Lloyd (O)
-
20.35
74. Raymond van Barneveld (M)
V
Michael van Gerwen (M)
-
21.35
75. Martin Adams (P)
V
Roland Scholten (P)
-
22.35
72. Phil Taylor (N)
V
Simon Whitlock (N)

this title has been deleted due it's inappropriateness

As if it weren't enough to be in the UEFA cup Final. Yesterday Sven 'the Swede' Eriksson announced that Stewie Downing will be going to Germany as part of the England squad. Was very unexpected as he has had a few matches with the team in friendlies but it was almost sure he wasn't going to feature in the final squad. More suprisingly Mr Eriksson has decided to take a 17 year old who has not only never played for England, but has never played for his present club (Arsenal). Saying that I have just watched a video of his performances and I think Sven is no fool taking him along. Those long socks and quick legs remind me of a certain player that is no slouch. Oui Oui I mean you Monsieur!.


Here is a liitle clip of the boy wonder http://www.metacafe.com/watch/56388/theo_walcott/

A new sign which has been erected in a Middlesbrough High Street.

Playing the Dummy at work

This afternoon i had to speak 350 odd phrases into a Laptop. These phrases will be later played through a dummy in a vehicle at varying speeds to test a new voice recognition system for future cars. I felt a bit of a dick talking to a pc "Enable entertainment system" ; "hospitals and medical centres" ; "Wales" (?) ; "switch to 197.5 FM".

After a short test run the guy running it said "Is that the way you usually talk to a machine or your normal voice". I don't talk to machines that much but I guess he was right it wasn't my natural voice. So I tried to be normal whilst I was tell Mr IBM Notebook to "alter destinataion by 1KM!".

This is not the first time have done this would you believe. Such a bizarre task. Yet before starting my present job I managed to nail 2.5 hours of work with a company working for Renault doing the same thing. That time though i had to do it in a moving car. First we did it in McDonalds Car Park (ooh err Mrs), then at 60Km/h on a country road, and finally at 110 Km/h on the motorway. The system performed so badly at 110Km/h the driver had to turn back on himself as we were running out of highway.

Me: "Call Mr Smith!"
PC: "Please repeat . I do not understand"
Me: "Call Mr Smith!"
PC:"Please repeat . I do not understand"
Me: "CALL MR SMITH!!!!!!!!!"
PC:"Please repeat . I do not understand"
Me: "Oh fuck it give me the phone"
PC:"Calling Mr Smith now"

Endangered species in the back Gard

This evening whilst enjoying the unusual sunshine our attention was brought to a toad trying to escape the pond for a wander. It's trip was sharply disturbed by 'Spike' (our cat) who decided to stomp a paw on it's head. Fortunately for the said toad he managed to hop skip and jump away from the predator and disappeared again into the pond.

We did manage to get a good enough look at the beast to identify it as (so our nature book says) the "most endangered amphibian in the Netherlands.... "The Yellow Bellied Toad". Or in Dutch the "Geelbuikvuurpad" (Bombina variegata) .

So we have a little endagered man in the back 'gard'. Shall i call the RSPCA, or just wait for spikey to get him next time like he does usually with the other frogs/toads and bring them into the house with tooth marks in their backs.


I couldn't eat one whole honest!!

Sorry England Your Loss is our gain

Wey Hey!!
A UEFA Cup Final and we get rid of McLaren.
Finally we might see some attacking football next season. The only time old ginge ever showed us
it was when we needed 4 goals and we were losing badly.

With this squad and a decent manager next season I think we may be going places. Watch out Spurs!
We're having that 4th place off yas next season!

OK maybe a bit harsh. He's been our most succesful manager ever, maybe except Jack Charlton. But I think he has had his time . Fresh start and please try and score rather than defend defend defend.

Another Football Blog

Sorry I can't not mention last night, it was fooking brilliant. I wasn't going to go to the bar to watch but decided at the last minute to go. I arrived 10 mins late for the kick off to an empty bar so sat down with the Landlord and he told me what i had feared was going to happen Steaua Bucharest had just scored 1-0.

We would need to score three goals and not conceed anymore. Then the second went in and i gave up. Good for the heart as when you decided 'fuck it we've lost' you kinda relax.

Even when Maccarone got one back before half time I honestly believed the match was over. But then in the second half Boro became this lean fighting attacking machine again that we saw with Basle. 4 strikers on the pitch. What the Fuck! McLaren you usually are blubbing to put more than one on!.

And then the 2nd and third came. After the second I change to having a glimmer of hope. Someone next to me (yes the stragglers were arriving by now) mentioned "You only need 2 goals in 25 mins". And that did it i had belief again. And after Riggot popped in the third it was 1 goal in 17 mins.

At this point i was convinced we we were going to do it , Bucharest were falling apart. They hadn't had one goal attempt in the second half. Boro had had over 20 at least. But then with about 4 mins left i almost gave up hope until Macca stepped up and became a Teesside legend once again. And this from a guy who can't get in the 1st team regularly, if at all. £6M ...A Bargain!

So Eindhoven here we come . Put it in your diary 10th May! Now how do we go about getting a ticket.

P.S Here is an amusing local radio commentary from Century FM.
This guy (Alistair Brownlee is unable to hold his load when Boro win a premiership match so you can imagine what it's like). I especially love the quote "Everybody round my house for a Parmo!". We are such a cultured lot in Teesside.

2nd link is the highlights without 'annoying twat' commentary.

The Century Commentary
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/l.roth1/steaua.mp3

The Highlights
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/l.roth1/steaua.wmv

8 Glorious Days?

OK. It's here already, the set of three matches which will not put Middlesbrough on the map, but knock Newcastle off it. If all goes well this will be the way Geordies introduce themsleves in future

Johnny Foreigner: "Oh hello are you liking my country. Very different from ze UK yes!??"
Geordie: "Oh way hay man. It's champion. Arrm from Newcassel like!"
Johnny Foreigner: "Ah zis Newcastle . It is in ze UK yes?"
Geordie: "Way hay man, Its in the North East like. Ye narrr. Up the road from Middlesbrough"
Johnny Foreigner: "Oh yes I am knowing ze Boro very well. Morrison, Hasselbaink, Yakubu yes. ze UEFA cup final yes. Oh yes so you're a smoggie then!?"
Geordie: "Feck off man! Donna be calling me no Smoggie yeh fucker!"

And North East domination is complete.


There again, we might be out of both competitons by Sunday. But who cares lets enjoy the ride:



Day 1 : UEFA Cup Semi Final 1st Leg, Ghencea Stadium, Bucharest Steaua Bucharest v Boro
Day 2, 3: Rest Days
Day 4: FA Cup Semi-Final , Vill Park, Birmingham Boro v West Ham
Day 5,6,7: Rest Days
Day 8: UEFA Cup Semi Final 2nd Leg, Riverside Stadium, Middlesbrough (down the road from Newcastle) Boro v Steaua Bucharest

Amstel Gold 41st Birthday

I came home a bit late last night from a darts sesh in the Bensons, thinking hey I'm gonna follow the Amstel Gold Race tomorrow. As the start is at 10 on the Markt I set my alarm for 9. Woke up at 11. And set off to Cadier en Keer bout 2 mins from my house for 12.15 the first time of passing. Very Poor!

Anyway i then had the plan to go to Vaals to see how it was progressing but missed it. And took me almost 2 hours to get back to Cadier en Keer stuck in cycling/Easter traffic for 5 kms. But arrived in Cadier en Keer to see the 2nd passing. 3 riders had broke away from the peleton and after that I popped home to watch the finish from the sofa. I've been doing this for about 8 years now and i still haven't learnt. You should either sit in Valkenburg on a terrace, or stay at home with the TV.

Anyway it was a pretty good race and the usual switching of leaders to peleton went on. And of all the 200 odd competitors the only Luxembourger in the field won the race. Frank Schleck.
Funnily enough i was having a conversation 2 days ago at work with a Luxembourgish colleague at how rubbish they are at Football and sport in general. So Frank has saved the day. Now they will not only be known for errmmm, what are they famous for?. Oh yeah having shitloads of cash.

Boogerd came 3rd, always the bridesmaid!



After finding a very quiet spot in Cadier en Keer, the whole Lotto team decides to park right in front of me to take photos of the support team with their vehicles. Tossers!



Cadier en Keer (2nd time) the three breakaway leaders, 1 Michael Albasini, SUI (Iquigas ITA);
246 Erwin Thijs, BEL (Unibet.com BEL); 146 Bram Schmitz, NED (T-Mobile Team GER).


And here is a nice video of how scary it is to be at the side of the road....http://www.atc-network.com/site/movie.wmv . Watch the cocky guy showing off to his son when the peleton comes past and a support car near runs over his feet and his expletives thereafter.

If you're going to gamble why pick the hardest race

It is said that millions of Brits don't bet on the horses, except for once a year they make an exception to place a small 'wager' on the Grand National.

It is a habit hard to drop and when i first came over to Holland as betting shops were not allowed I used to make a 1/2 hour journey across the border to a place called Visé where they had a laddies (ladbrokes).

The locals used to snigger and mock me each year in french

"Silly englishman, why doez you bet on ze race with ze forty hosses. you have no chance to win!"
Probably true but thats the fun of it. Knowing your chances of picking the winner in the National are so slim that when that year comes round when you do pick a winner you won't forget it.

Last time i backed the winner was 1992 'Party Politics'. I was a poor student in Manchester and i had no money, well 4 quid. I could either go out ahave a cheap saturday night out or risk it all on the National and then have to probably stay in. But my horse won and I went out and got hammered! As my 4 pund had just become 36 pund.

I backed a few each way winners since and tried every year but never picked the winner. This year is going to be my year. I can feel it and just to make sure I'll back 30 out of 40 horses!

In the office sweepstake I got Heros Collonges. Never back a horse that you can't pronounce.

Anyway just so you can't say i fixed it here are me bets this year.

4. Therealbandit 40-1 £2 e/w



20. Joe's Edge 25-1 £2 e/w



25. Garvivonnian 25-1 £2 e/w

Better than the Carling cup

Middlesbrough 4-1 Basle (agg 4-3)



A brace from Mark Viduka gave Middlesbrough hopeMassimo Maccarone struck a 90th-minute winner as Middlesbrough produced an astonishing comeback to reach the Uefa Cup semi-finals.
Eduardo's 23rd-minute tap-in for Basle left Boro needing four goals to win.
But Mark Viduka pulled one back before half-time with a powerful run and shot and angled in a second before Daniel Majstorovic was sent off for Basle.
Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink's stunning shot made it 3-3, leaving fellow substitute Maccarone to slide home the winner.
The unlikely comeback, which booked Middlesbrough a semi-final meeting with Steaua Bucharest, was reward for some brave changes by Steve McClaren.
The Boro boss threw caution to the wind at half-time by introducing Hasselbaink to play alongside Viduka and Yakubu, and then later brought on Maccarone as Basle stumbled.

Absolutely brilliant display, the pride and passion shown was first class
From HM
Have your say on 606
Indeed, his side might have considered themselves unlucky to have gone behind after a storming start to the game.
Inside a minute, Yakubu's challenge forced Basle keeper Pascal Zuberuehler to fumble the ball, but the striker hooked his shot narrowly wide.
That incident infused new belief into the home fans and on 14 minutes, they were appealing for a penalty.
Yakubu burst into the box and was clumsily brought down by Mile Sterjovski, with replays showing it deserved far more than the half-hearted appeal the Boro players mustered.
But a momentary lapse at the back cost the hosts dear.
Stuart Parnaby was not quick enough to prevent Boris Smiljanic heading across goal where Eduardo easily beat Gareth Southgate to the ball and smashed home.
With Boro now needing four goals to win, the Riverside Stadium fell silent, but the hosts stuck to their task.
Viduka gave them the lifeline their first-half display deserved when he shrugged off Majstorovic's challenge before wrong-footing Zuberuehler.
McClaren hails 'monumental' Boro
That brought the crowd back to life and they were almost celebrating again on 42 minutes when Yakubu turned Majstorovic brilliantly but shot too close to Zuberuehler.
McClaren sent his team out in barnstorming mood after the interval.
Basle's defence succumbed on 57 minutes when Yakubu slid the ball through for Viduka to sidestep Zuberuehler and shoot home from a difficult angle.
Boro's hopes were lifted again when Majstorovic, who had been Basle's dominant force in defence, was sent off for raising his hands.
His departure rocked Basle and they were reeling again when Hasselbaink collected the ball 25 yards out and, with hardly any backlift, powered in an unstoppable shot.
And as the minutes ticked down, Fabio Rochemback's shot was only parried by Zuberuehler and Maccarone squeezed home the rebound to send the disbelieving Boro fans into ecstacy.
If Boro can now get past Steaua, they will face Sevilla or Schalke in the final on 10 May in Eindhoven.
Middlesbrough: Schwarzer, Parnaby, Riggott, Southgate, Queudrue (Maccarone 67), Morrison (Hasselbaink 45), Boateng, Rochemback (Taylor 90), Downing, Viduka, Yakubu.Subs Not Used: Jones, Ehiogu, Doriva, Davies.
Booked: Riggott, Maccarone.
Goals: Viduka 33, 57, Hasselbaink 79, Maccarone 90.
Basle: Zuberbuhler, Zanni, Majstorovic, Smiljanic, Berner, Degen (Chipperfield 61), Delgado (Ergic 70), Ba, Petric, Sterjovski (Quennoz 85), Eduardo Da Silva.Subs Not Used: Crayton, Rakitic, Kulaksizoglu.
Sent Off: Majstorovic (73).
Booked: Majstorovic, Degen, Zuberbuhler.
Goals: Eduardo Da Silva 23.
Att: 24,521

I nearly wet myself!!!!! P.S Maccarone ....All is forgiven

Man City v Boro

Manchester City 20/1 v Middlesbrough 7/1

Ok What are these odds for....?
Todays match or.......
Answers on a postcard

Swiss Cheese

I thought that was all they we're famous for.!!!!
Not for silky moves and swift forward passes.
But no they have to upset our move on the UEFA cup.
Well let me tell you Basel , or Baaahthelll however you pronounce it
we will give you a game at the Riverside, even if you do kick our asses over the 2 legs.

Anyway bring it on. What can we lose.

I arrive at the pub 30 mins late and within 10 mins we are 2-0 behind.
Why did i go i out?

Probably to show my allegiance to the Boro. And we didn't do that bad, but it was annoying to watch. The Swiss were way too good. I hope with a less slidy pitch our boys can show some form next time. 1 week to wait and three goals at least to score. Not easy but hey It's the Boro and this season we have surprised the best teams so I'm not giving up yet.

Great Lyrics of our time

Jim Moir (aka Vic Reeves) & Sir Bob Mortimer
"Farmyard Shite" & "I've got a new hoover"

Farmyard Shite

I am gonna to Hollywood,
I am, I'm gonna be a big star,
my name in lights and stretched limosine,
a house in Beverly Hills you know what I mean,
I'm gonna be a great big movie star.

You are talking out of your arse son,
you can't appeal to anyone,
you sit around in your grubby little pants,
with your packet of biscuits and a pen in your hands,
that is when your hand isn't down your grubby little pants.

You'll see, nobody can stop me,my name is going down in history.
You write all your letters to MGM,
on your exercise book with your booky's pen,
nobody in Hollywood will be receiving them.

Why has nobody been receiving them?
Has someone, someone been diverting them?
Yes it was me, I broke into your flat,
and nicked all your letters from your Scooby Doo bag,
then buried them under a pile of farmyard shite.

to listen to this work of art click here

I've got a new hoover

I've got a new hoover, what do you think of it?
I've got a new hoover, I'm over the moon with it.
It's got what can only be described as a headlamp on the front,
adjustable height and a low maintenance filter.

I sold him that hoover, it's a pile of shit,
I sold him that hoover, what's left of it.
It couldn't suck off a fly from your carpet if it tried,
and the low maintenance filter, I lied.

So it's useless is it?
Yep.
Well can I have my three hundred quid back?
No, I've spent it Vic.
What on?A new hoover of course.

Do you still love me?
Yes, I suppose so
Are you still angry?
Well, just a little
Well you should thank your lucky stars
I didn't make you pay a delivery charge.

to listen to this work of art click here

Roma wasn't conquered in a day

Boro v AS Roma

Boro's biggest ever tie in Europe tonight, taking on the mighty Romans. Unbeaten in 12 matches in Serie A. And now a trip to the Riverside.
Bring it on.....

12 mins: Penalty Yakubu 1-0

FT: Boro 1 Roma 0

Bring on the Olympic stadium in Rome.

Maastricht - Irish publess

When I arrived in Maastricht on my first day I was travelling from Luxembourg. I was rudely stopped by the police as I was just about to arrive at the entrance of the city. After watching the Amstel Gold Race pass I was allowed to continue to my destination. My first disapointment with Maastricht was that it was 'Irish Publess'.

{aside - the winner of the Amstel Gold that year was Mauro Gianetti - I watched the race every year since usually madly following it by car and seeing not much, apart from in 2001 when Erik Dekker beat Lance Armstrong in the final stretch on the Maasboulevaard. I had a finishing straight seat at my company and afterwards a very 'pissed off' Lance, whose team bus was directly below us entered his bus in that wierd way that cyclists walk after 250Km.}

Anyway so back to the point, why did a lovely multicultural city like Maastricht not have any Irish pubs?. Luxembourg had at least 4 Irish/English pubs. There was Scotts, Pygmalion, the White Rose and The Britannia.

About two years later my parents came over for a visit and on the day they arrived the first Irish pub in Maastricht opened, The Shamrock. Though how it was called an Irish pub at the time was beyond me. No Guiness, only Heineken and told by the brewery that they couldn't serve Guiness as they didn't look like an Irish pub.

A couple of years later 2 more English pubs opened both on the Markt, the Bensons and the other i don't remember the name but it changed after 2 or three years to a dutch bar.

Then came the Murphys a proper Irish pub but the most unsucessful and finally the John Mullins

Going back to my roots

I've been delving into the world of geneology this week, sparked off by an email from a 2nd cousin or something or other. I listed my family tree on http://www.genesreunited.co.uk, a family tree site which was set-up after the success of the infamous http://friendsreunited.co.uk. aside - [i still kick myself that in the early days of the internet I had started a site that should have given me the idea of friendsreunited - 3 years before they even started. I could have retired by now - the rich buggers]

So anyway, 3 years later and i have had almost 20 responses to my tree; all not matches. But 2 days ago a relative who had perfect matches (his granfather being my grandfather's brother) emails me and ke-bang. It works. So i relighted the fire of interest and contacted my dad, brother (who has researched it more than me). None of my family knew of this person's existance , even though his mother lives in my home town. But there again my grandad was one of 15 children. My Greatgrandfather had obviously not heard of the concept of conreceptives!.

So after a phonecall to my brother who has been beavering away very secretively on our family history, he tells me he can send me all he know about our family in a '.gedcom file'. How convenient that you can package almost 200 years of history up in a file extension. And after downloading a family tree software from http://www.rootsmagic.com/ I had the fruits of his labour in front of me.

The shocking part was, looking at a 'pedigree view' as they call it you can see in almost an FA Cup style table where your blood comes from. Obviously I knew my mum and dad, but most shocking i didn't know the names of my Mother's parents, nor their parents. My 'bro' had managed to find all 8 of my great-grandparents of whom i knew the name of 2. And 11 of my great-great-grandparents of whom i knew 2 also.

So what now ........ Is this something i want to pursue. Yes definitely, especially on my mother's side of which I knew little. Apparently their was Scottish blood there 3 generations back and that can't be bad for those pissed conversations with Scots in bars. "Hey laddie don't call me an english twat!, I'm half Scottish me!"

So now i have to update my tree on genes-reunited and hope that more relatives come to the fore. Already 2 in one week, I'm sure i will soon find I'm related to the Queen or Les Dawson or maybe even someone special like Sean Connery.

So here I am the produce of the "Wades", "Plummers", "Ludleys","Dawsons","Patersons","Campbells","Bryans" and the "Langhams". Just who do I think I am?.

SNOW!!!

It's March for god's sake, snow freezing my nuts off!

The Adventures of Antoine Doinel

Long before movie sequels became mandatory, Francois Truffaut made a series of films following the life of Antoine Doinel, a semi-autobiographical character.
Part 1 is Les Quatre Cents Coups (The 400 blows). The literal translation is 'Hellraiser'.
Doinel is a young boy living in Paris. He nicks of school, shoplifts, tells his teacher his mum has died to get out of school. In general a 'hellraiser'.

One day whilst playing truant he finds out his mother has a lover, which makes life at home even worse.

We next meet Antoine in "L'Amour à vingt ans " or better known as 'Antoine et Collette'. (the section of the movie that follows Antoine's life). Doinel is now just reaching early adulthood, and is not the most confident with the fairer sex. He falls in love with an older student who doesn not return his adoration. Collette re-appears in the next part, movie number 3, in a short scene. She passes Antoine in the street with her new husband. A Truffaut subtlety 'par excellence'. It was this movie that made me so interested in Truffaut's work when I was also going through my 'awkward' teenage years.

6 years later he made the third film 'Baiser Volés' (Stolen Kisses). Doinel has been in the army and recently left to pursue his love 'Christine Darbon'. He goes through various dead end jobs, before landing a position as a private investigator. Here he meets a shoe-shop owner Madame Tabard, a very elegant sexy lady who he is fascinated with and who eventaully seduces him.
I have read this is one of the least acclaimed of the Doinel series but for me it is the best.

Part 4: A silimar feel to Baiser Volés, "Domicile Conjugal" (Bed and Board) . Doinel is now 26. Married to Christine and working in a safe looking corporate job. His wife falls pregnant and Antoine falls for a japanese colleague, who is a little wierd to say the least. Nothing much happens in this movie, but there again nothing much happens in most Truffaut movies. But it is still gripping as its predecesor. I was gagging for the next installment after seeing it. What will become of our lying, cheating, inadeqaute hero Antoine.

The final installment came in 1979 "L'Amour en fuite" (Love on the run). Now in his thirties and divorced from Christine. The movie uses flashbacks from the previous 4 parts. He is in love now with Sabine a record seller. Antoine is a proofreader.

You can now buy a DVD collection of the 5 movies. Not cheap but my credit card is itching to see them again.

Feck! It's Carnaval

It's that time of the year again when the locals here go a bit crazy and celebrate carnaval. I asked a lot of 'yocals' here why they celebrate it, most don't know, but the basic jist is it's a catholic thing about getting shit-faced before lent, when you have to starve your body of all those lovely things you need after 6 days on the piss.

Anyway so we went out for a quiet meal last night and were already confronted by the 'jollities' (Bah HumBug). So I think I may be hibernating till it is all over on Thursday. No maybe i will make an exception coz i do like to go into town and see the carnavaltjes crying over their mooswief burning or some such crap.

If you didn' get it yet, I don't join in. Nor shall I probably ever. Wierd aswell coz I am very much the kinda guy who would jump at a chance to spend lots of time in the boozer. But the carnaval is lost on me. I think it's lost itself. Last night on the way home we bumped in to three 'Canadians' dressed as monks. Well they said they were Canadian, until they found out I was English they admitted they were American and that being 'Canadian' seemed to make them more popular. Turned out they fly on the AWACS which we see so often circling in and around Maastrictht on training missions to spy on Iraq. etc.

So over the next few days we will be seeing a constant stream of colourful costumed Limburgers on their way to the pub pass our window, and again feel alienated in a 'nice?' way from the whole thing. Waiting for the supermarkets to open again. Oh no wait, they do now open the whole time through. Blimey consumerism has beaten the bugger!.

I feel like a right misery guts but there again that's how i feel about Christmas. Anyway let the 'madness' commence. Maybe like a few years ago i will give in and join in on one night. My mate rings up .
"Hey fancy doing carnaval tonight?"
"But i ain't got anything to wear"
"Come on it'll be a laugh"
"OK I'll improvise"
A black top and black trousers, and off i went and a helpful girl with make-up bag added MIB to my forehead. It was the year "Men in Black" came out. Went down a storm and all for the cost of a black eyeliner.